Some say resorts are overrated. I disagree.
While it’s not for everyone, I do love occasionally lounging poolside with a bright-colored drink and a $20 cheeseburger, miles away from all my problems.
Of course, depending on where you go, screaming kids, overpriced buffets, and the reek of a thousand different brands of sunscreen are some things that come standard with the room.
Because of this, you’d think that the more expensive a place is, the better your stay would be. At least that’s the mindset I had when I booked my pricey weekend at the Steam Pools Resort in southern Feralas.
But like most Goblin-run operations, it just wasn’t that simple.
This hidden resort has been touted as a private luxury getaway for the rich and famous since its establishment during the Cataclysm. And while it may not have its original polish, it still retains a lot of that old world charm.
In fact it’s so exclusive, that there is not a single quest chain that will bring you to this location (though stick around long enough and you might see some treasure hunters stop by). So it was the perfect place for me to book a little solo weekend getaway.
Plus after last week’s expedition of secluded Ironforge dwellings, I was craving some time outdoors.
In keeping with the haughty elite vibe, the resort is only accessible by flying. And there are no flight paths up the mountain. So you either need to whip out your own wings or throw down some gold for a chauffeur just to reach the place. Talk about high-class!
My First Impressions at the Resort
When I got there, the resort was bustling with action. Countless staff members were scrambling to clean tables, prepare food, and carry luggage for the incoming guests.
Between them and the loose children running around, I was reminded of an Elwynn beehive that had just been whacked with a walking staff.
Excited to kickstart the “relaxation” part of my vacation, I B-lined to the check-in desk. Though I had arrived a little early, my room was ready, which was really appreciated after my long flight from Stormwind.
I got my key, and before I could say anything, my bags were lifted off to my room.
Pro tip: Do NOT let your bags out of sight here. They charged me 200g just to carry my bags 20 yards!
I wish I went after my bags, but the muggy heat of the steam pools already had me parched. So instead I gravitated towards the nearest bar to grab my first drink of the weekend. The prices were astronomical, but with no alternative in mind, I forked over the gold.
Scoping Out the Beach Scene
With an ice cold Spiked Pineapple Punch in hand, I headed down to the beach. I hoped to take a quick swim in the clear water while the sun was still high.
The shoreline was totally packed, which wasn’t surprising. What was surprising was the 40% surcharge on all the food and drinks!
Pro tip: Bring your own food. Assuming you’re not Trade Prince Gallywix, the cost of the eats here will ruin you! I know they say “no outside food”, but I say, do what you gotta do.
Not many may agree with me on this, but I actually think Goblin cuisine is kind of good. It’s no 5-star meal in downtown Suramar, but it’s definitely unique!
If you like seafood (and are foolhardy with your money), try the Goby fishburger. And for my vegans out there, they make a mean spit-roasted corn (it’s not on the main menu, but they’ll make it if you ask).
After waiting 30 minutes in line for food, I found an empty lounger and worked on my tan.
Exploring the Grounds
The next morning I overslept because the sound of the resort’s oil drills kept me up way too late.
Pro tip: When booking your stay here, request a room away from all oil drills, powerlines, emergency generators, and strobe lights. You’ll thank me.
Since the weather was gloomy, I decided to take a walk around and explore while I waited for the sun to come out.
On my way I discovered that the resort offers a deluxe mount cleaning service (but beware the mandatory 30% tip!).
I also spotted the Lucky Bucket, the resort’s private steamboat. Unfortunately the next available ride slot was 3 months away, so I resolved to admire it from a distance.
If you want to take a ride, reserve your spot early! Otherwise you’ll be waiting for a very long time.
I went back to my room at lunchtime and had some of Gordon Tramsay‘s signature watermelon salad brought to me by resort room service. (It was honestly a little bland, but it’s safer to keep that knowledge to yourself.)
With checkout at 3 PM sharp, I snuck down to the beach one more time for a little more relaxation. Someone was blasting dance music, so I had to join in on the fun.
Overall my stay at the Steam Pools Resort was fun, relaxing, and brutally expensive.
But if you’re looking for a one-of-a-kind vacation away from all the chaos, definitely come check this place out.
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